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<title>Rosebot Performs The Trolley Problem With A Hologram Of Herself And Also A Hologram Of Nic Cage That Jake English Programmed by Classpectanon</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28608918">Rosebot Performs The Trolley Problem With A Hologram Of Herself And Also A Hologram Of Nic Cage That Jake English Programmed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Classpectanon/pseuds/Classpectanon'>Classpectanon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Three Hundred And Sixty Five Ficlets About Homestuck [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Philosophy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:46:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>723</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28608918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Classpectanon/pseuds/Classpectanon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's certainly an interesting conundrum." Rosebot mused quietly, spinning a little 3d diorama of the situation in question with her finger, feeling metal synapses snap into motion behind her transmitted consciousness. A trolleycar barreling towards a line of innocents, in infinite variations. Always Rosebot at the lever, of course, and she was more than intelligent enough to puzzle out, to solve the correct solution every single time.</p><p>Pull the lever. 1 &lt; 5. Bam. Ethics won.</p><p>But something about that felt too easy.</p><p>7/365</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rose Lalonde &amp; Rosebot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Three Hundred And Sixty Five Ficlets About Homestuck [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2085684</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Rosebot Performs The Trolley Problem With A Hologram Of Herself And Also A Hologram Of Nic Cage That Jake English Programmed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><span class="rose">"It's certainly an interesting conundrum."</span> Rosebot mused quietly, spinning a little 3d diorama of the situation in question with her finger, feeling metal synapses snap into motion behind her transmitted consciousness. A trolleycar barreling towards a line of innocents, in infinite variations. Always Rosebot at the lever, of course, and she was more than intelligent enough to puzzle out, to solve the correct solution every single time.</p><p>Pull the lever. 1 &lt; 5. Bam. Ethics won.</p><p>But something about that felt too easy. There was no intellectual competition to it. Sure, she could tweak the parameters and change the numbers, to alter the calculus however she liked, but it wasn't like she couldn't also just reach into the future and snatch the answer from the infinite Rose, either. She needed something less predictable, some form of pushback, something to satiate her galaxy-massed positronic brain.</p><p>She snapped her fingers, and two holograms appeared in the virtual diorama. A much smaller her, presumably with more human morals, and, for an element of unpredictability, a simulation of Nic Cage, as programmed by Jake English, and with possibly zero respect to the actual thoughts, emotions, or moods of the actual old-Earth Nic Cage. Then, she let them run.</p><p>They puzzled it out, reset after reset, while Rosebot continually tweaked the parameters, watching them scramble dispassionately. They were both aware, of course, that they were simulated intelligences, and not actually real people, and more aware that Rosebot was watching them, and she overheard their conversations, but it was honestly so pedestrian that she forgot to pay attention most of the time.</p><p>Iteration after iteration, until she decided that, perhaps she was playing with the numbers too much. No, she didn't have to do that at all. Maybe she was missing the forest of ethics for the trees of morality, or something like that. Five people on one track, one on the other, and then she knelt against the table and listened in once again.</p><p><span class="rose">"Oh, look on to what yonder goddess decides to finally grace us with her attention."</span> Rose quietly smarmed, folding her arms over her chest. <span class="rose">"Finally worth your time?"</span></p><p><span class="rose">"I suppose. I'm not particularly concerned about killing millions of invented, non-sentient simulacra, if that's what you're concerned about."</span> Rosebot answered dispassionately. <span class="rose">"You're all just data."</span></p><p><span class="rose">"Doesn't that inherently violate the validity of the thought experiment? After all, you're not invested in any of these individuals as people or independent variables, you are just looking at life from a viewpoint that it is something of which the highest quantity possible must be preserved, without respect for quality of life, or anything else, for that matter."</span> Nic Cage replied, accompanied by an approving nod from the simulated Rose.</p><p><span class="rose">"No, I've performed those tests too, taking into account future value of the lives saved vs lives taken."</span> Rosebot sighed, getting ready to flick the trolley into action.</p><p><span class="rose">"But they're just numbers on the screen."</span> Rose challenged, waving her hand over one of the simulacra, which replied with a completely blank expression. <span class="rose">"Why not at least give them some personality? It's not like it'd violate the consequences of the experiment. They'd still get ran over."</span></p><p>If Rosebot had eyes to roll, she would, but she didn't, so she didn't. <span class="rose">"Fine. Have your little wisps of sentience."</span> She declared, and they did, immediately assessing the situation and beginning to scream. Rosebot turned her attention away for a moment so that she could set up the trolley, and flick it down the track with a discerning finger flick.</p><p>Then, turning to watch them, she furrowed her metallic brows. Two of the simulated people, apparently untied by some method, and Rose were busy trying to push the trolley back. It was, of course, futile, they were being ground into the dirt, steady but goreless violence as their physics models deformed like a Source Film Maker video, but Nic Cage freed another prisoner, who joined to help, and another, and then joined the fray. The trolley slowed to a rough halt, with all but one of the simulated bodies ground underneath it. <span class="rose">"We don't have to take it."</span> She heard Rose say, muffled, beneath the stopped trolleycar.</p><p>The last one slowly wiggled itself free, and Rosebot scowled, flicking the trolley over it before it could get away. Then, she turned off the simulation, frustrated.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading. All views, kudos, comments, and bookmarks are appreciated.<br/><a href="https://twitter.com/classpectanon">Twitter</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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